yea...so i'm writting but uh i have nothing to write. while shuffling through my ipod i came across a song i got but never listened to...yea i do that a lot lol..so this song was pretty good, good enough that if i was the kind of person to sing in front of people then this is one i'd sing

Once I was clothed in the rags of my sin,
Wretched and poor, lost and lonely within.
But with wondrous compassion, the King of all kings,
In pity and love, took me under His wings.

Oh, yes, oh yes, I'm a child of the King
His royal blood now flows in my veins.
And I who was wretched and poor now can sing
Praise God, praise God, I'm a child of the King.

Now I'm a child with a Heavenly home,
My Holy Father has made me His own.
And I'm cleansed by His blood, and I'm clothed in His love,
And some day I'll sing with the angels above.

my dad just came home with food so its pretty hard to make myself stay here when i smell it lol

this is what happens when you sleep for three hours in the afternoon, you try to go to bed at night and you cant sleep. so i was outside talking to sarah and fooling around with lizzie and i managed to gash lizzie's head with a nail, complete accident but i felt pretty bad. she had blood dripping down her face cuz head wounds bleed a lot and she was freaking out, shes very sensitive to things like that. the funny thing was, when i looked at her head i actually felt nauseated, its weird. this may sound weirder, before blood and goo and all that stuff wouldnt bother me, i guess i could say i enjoyed it but now i see it and wanna puke. lol the smell of hand soap makes me wanna throw up to...yeah random thing i had to insert there.

sunday afternoon i was sitting in church waiting and my mom handed me this poem called the hound of heaven. i started reading it and was like, hey i know this one i just never knew the name of it. its a really good poem, written by an ex cocaine addict, its kinda like his testimony. so if you can get past all the words we dont normally use in every day conversation then its a good read. its basically the sinner running from God, trying to find shelter or distractions in human love and is always running, but God never gets weary, He keeps following until the sinner turns to Him. sorta like the hound after a rabbit or something lol, he never gives up. this is from the last verses, which are my favorite,

That Voice is round me like a bursting sea:
'And is thy earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest Me!
Strange, piteous, futile thing!

Wherefore should any set thee love apart?
Seeing none but I makes much of naught' (He said),
'And human love needs human meriting:
How hast thou merited -
Of all man's clotted clay the dingiest clot?
Alack, thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art!
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,
Save Me, save only Me?

All which I took from thee I did but take,
Not for thy harms,
But just that thou might'st seek it in My arms.
All which thy child's mistake
Fancies as lost, I have stored for thee at home:
Rise, clasp My hand, and come!'
Halts by me that footfall:
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly?
'Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me.'

this post is turning out to be kinda long, i guess thats ok since i havent written since february. my neighbors are being kinda...odd, they actually said i was awesome which is really weird. but no one has made some stupid joke about something, no one has used bad words around me and i havent been put in a position to possibly talk bad about my parents. they even told one person who is normally a huge pain to shut up and be nice lol. yea...i dont know why im talking about this....lol i enjoying the break though.

i had surgery done recently and i hope i never have to do that again. i still cant figure out why the dr. didnt give me any pain medication, i woke up yelling at the nurses and that was kinda embarrassing later, of all the things i have to remember is that :P whats cool though is they have these awesome blankets at the hospital and if your cold they put it in the microwave thingy that warms it up. i'm healing fast apparently, faster then they anticipated, still hurts though, if i move wrong it feels like a knife being stuck in me. prayer works, i know thats like a no duh kinda thing, but every time it surprises me. I serve a God that cares about me, He hears me when i pray even when i cant find the words...that to me is pretty sweet.

my mom got a bunch of cereal, you know the stuff in boxes that tastes really good unlike slimy oatmeal and cream of wheat. whoo hoo ima going to eat frosted flakes tomorrow lol. im finally getting somewhat tired so this is it...i cant wait till the bathroom is done, when it has sheetrock for walls instead of blankets.

this time i'm actually going to write something. so basically whats new is i got my hair cut and im finally getting over this cold. yea...really exciting i know. my mom let me sleep in till' 10:30 today and i feel so lazy lol i really wanna go do something but i have no energy. yea so much for writing something, i cant think now. i found this on a UK news thing and btw i won two swag bucks while searching for random things.

the victories of the mind
are won for all mankind;
but war wastes what it wins,
ends worse than it begins,
and is a game of woes,
which nations always lose:
though tyrant tyrant kill,
the slayer liveth still.

my brother is standing here drinking sugar water

this is something i got out of a book that my mom gave me, its a list of things that young women should look for in a potential husband and i think its pretty good.

i just wonder how many young men out there are willing to be up for this type of challenge, thankfully though there are some real knights in shinning armor out there that God has gotten a hold of.

1. foremost, of course, the man must be regenerated

2. he must be a mature Christian, who consistently demonstrates the fruit of the spirit

3. he must be the kind of man that i can respect and joyfully submit to

4. he should have a vision for ministry to which i can devote my life

5. he will love God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength

6. he should love me, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, but i want him to love Christ more than he loves me

7. he should treat me with honor and respect, but should not be afraid to be the active head of the family

8. he should be respectful of all women in general

9. he should be a protective, loving father to our children and will want as many as God is pleased to give us

10. he should be a leader and not a follower, and will speak out boldly for what is right

11. he should be devoted to prayer

12. he should be habitually eager to learn from the scripture, to be challenged by scripture, and to seek God through scripture

13. he should have a solid Christian worldview, and the moral clarity and moral courage to go with it

14. he should be able to understand and evaluate historical and current affairs with a thoroughly biblical perspective

15. he should seek the companionship of wise men and limit his association with lesser men

16. he should be respected and esteemed wherever he goes – his character should be irreproachable

17. he should be teachable and able to teach with humility

18. he should be well educated in the right ways and for the right reason, and will not place undue value on the world’s academic credentials

19. he should have a vision for our family that is multi-generational

20. he should be able to fit in comfortably with my family and have a respectful relationship with my father

21. he should be a good steward of all that God has given him (e.g. time, money, spiritual gifts)

22. he will have respect for God-given authority

23. of course we understand that a perfect person does not exist in this world. so as our final item, he will be aware of his faults and will have the humility to overcome them by God’s grace

Jesus Heals the Heart

Your time is like a house of cards,
Stands so tall, falls so hard,
And all your dreams lay in the yard,
Broken bits of show

Your days are windows, empty panes,
You mend the glass they break again,
And all the while that howling wind,
Bites and bitter blows.

But Jesus heals the heart you know,
When nothing's left that's good to know.
Look at me, I ought to know.

You paint your face; you paint your heart,
If you open up and fall apart,
Learned the hard way to be hard,
And live the lover's woe.

You try to hide in what you do,
You lace your lies like some old shoe,
And all the while no one is fooled,
Your sadness clearly shows.

Remember this, the world resists
The tenderness of Grace.
Right to the grave, it stays the slave
Trying to save a little face.

But with the hurt and the private fears,
There holds a hope choked up in tears,
That someone's loved you all these years,
Who wouldn't let you go.

So when surrounded by the sighs,
And lost in tired alibis,
When no one's home why don't you try
The One who loves you so.


one of these days i'll get around to writing but for now these lyrics will have to do lol

Love After All

Love in these days is a dangerous dream.
Lonely and crazed like a dying birds scream.
Broken in ways that are hard to redeem.
Love is a dangerous ...
Love in these times is a gamble at best.
On the front lines without a bulletproof vest.
Riddled with crimes that infect and infest.
Love is a gamble at best.

But still I believe in Love after all
Though to have it you'll bleed
To find it you'll fall
Every soul needs to be caught by its call
Caught by Love after all.

Love in this age is a lesson in tears.
Ruin by rage, fondled by fears.
Locked in a cage through these crucible years.
Love is a lesson in ...
Love in this place is a struggle of wills.
Some face to face some buried until,
They grow up a hate, no laughter can kill.
Love is a struggle of wills.

Love was a Word with fingers and toes.
A flesh and blood sword that cut us God knows.
An unlikely Lord on the throne of death throes.
That was love with fingers and toes.
Love is a heart broke open like bread.
Wine in a cup that's more than blood red.
Go on, drink it up, you're why it was shed.
Why love is broke open like bread.

Michael Kelly Blanchard

The Master

A flying word from here and there
Had sown the name at which we sneered,
But soon the name was everywhere,
To be reviled and then revered:
A presence to be loved and feared,
We cannot hid it, or deny
That we, the gentlemen who jeered,
May be forgotten by an by.

He came when days where perilous
And hearts of men were sore beguiled;
And having made his note of us,
He pondered and was reconciled.
Was ever master yet so mild
And he, so untamable?
We doubted, even when he smiled,
Not knowing what he knew so well.

He knew that undeceiving fate
Would shame us whom he served unsought;
He knew that he must wince and wait--
The jest of those for whom he fought;
He knew devoutly what he thought
Of us and of our ridicule;
He knew that we must all be taught
Like little children in a school.

We gave glamour to the task
That he encountered and saw through,
But little of us did he ask,
And little did we ever do.
And what appears if we review
The season when we railed and chaffed?
It is the face of one who knew
That we were learning while we laughed.

The face that in our vision feels
Again the venom that we flung,
Transfigured to the world reveals
The vigilance to which we clung.
Shrewd, hallowed, harassed, and among
The mysteries that are untold,
The face we see was never young,
Nor could it have ever been old.

For he, to whom we have applied
Our shopman's test of age and worth,
Was elemental when he died,
As he was ancient at his birth:
The saddest among kings of earth,
Bowed with a galling crown, this man
Met rancor with a cryptic mirth,
Laconic--and Olympian.

The love, the grandeur, and the fame
Are bounded by the world alone;
The calm, the smoldering, and the flame
Of awful patience were his own:
With him they are forever flown
Past all our fond self-shadowing's,
Wherewith we cumber the Unknown
As with inept Icarian wings.

For we were not as other men:
'Twas ours to soar and his to see.
But we are coming down again,
And we shall come down pleasantly;
Nor shall we longer disagree
On what it is to be sublime,
But flourish in our perigee
And have one Titan at a time.

--Edward Arlington Robinson