Monday, April 19, 2010

this is what happens when you sleep for three hours in the afternoon, you try to go to bed at night and you cant sleep. so i was outside talking to sarah and fooling around with lizzie and i managed to gash lizzie's head with a nail, complete accident but i felt pretty bad. she had blood dripping down her face cuz head wounds bleed a lot and she was freaking out, shes very sensitive to things like that. the funny thing was, when i looked at her head i actually felt nauseated, its weird. this may sound weirder, before blood and goo and all that stuff wouldnt bother me, i guess i could say i enjoyed it but now i see it and wanna puke. lol the smell of hand soap makes me wanna throw up to...yeah random thing i had to insert there.

sunday afternoon i was sitting in church waiting and my mom handed me this poem called the hound of heaven. i started reading it and was like, hey i know this one i just never knew the name of it. its a really good poem, written by an ex cocaine addict, its kinda like his testimony. so if you can get past all the words we dont normally use in every day conversation then its a good read. its basically the sinner running from God, trying to find shelter or distractions in human love and is always running, but God never gets weary, He keeps following until the sinner turns to Him. sorta like the hound after a rabbit or something lol, he never gives up. this is from the last verses, which are my favorite,

That Voice is round me like a bursting sea:
'And is thy earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest Me!
Strange, piteous, futile thing!

Wherefore should any set thee love apart?
Seeing none but I makes much of naught' (He said),
'And human love needs human meriting:
How hast thou merited -
Of all man's clotted clay the dingiest clot?
Alack, thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art!
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,
Save Me, save only Me?

All which I took from thee I did but take,
Not for thy harms,
But just that thou might'st seek it in My arms.
All which thy child's mistake
Fancies as lost, I have stored for thee at home:
Rise, clasp My hand, and come!'
Halts by me that footfall:
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly?
'Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest Me.'

this post is turning out to be kinda long, i guess thats ok since i havent written since february. my neighbors are being kinda...odd, they actually said i was awesome which is really weird. but no one has made some stupid joke about something, no one has used bad words around me and i havent been put in a position to possibly talk bad about my parents. they even told one person who is normally a huge pain to shut up and be nice lol. yea...i dont know why im talking about i enjoying the break though.

i had surgery done recently and i hope i never have to do that again. i still cant figure out why the dr. didnt give me any pain medication, i woke up yelling at the nurses and that was kinda embarrassing later, of all the things i have to remember is that :P whats cool though is they have these awesome blankets at the hospital and if your cold they put it in the microwave thingy that warms it up. i'm healing fast apparently, faster then they anticipated, still hurts though, if i move wrong it feels like a knife being stuck in me. prayer works, i know thats like a no duh kinda thing, but every time it surprises me. I serve a God that cares about me, He hears me when i pray even when i cant find the words...that to me is pretty sweet.

my mom got a bunch of cereal, you know the stuff in boxes that tastes really good unlike slimy oatmeal and cream of wheat. whoo hoo ima going to eat frosted flakes tomorrow lol. im finally getting somewhat tired so this is it...i cant wait till the bathroom is done, when it has sheetrock for walls instead of blankets.

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