The Master

A flying word from here and there
Had sown the name at which we sneered,
But soon the name was everywhere,
To be reviled and then revered:
A presence to be loved and feared,
We cannot hid it, or deny
That we, the gentlemen who jeered,
May be forgotten by an by.

He came when days where perilous
And hearts of men were sore beguiled;
And having made his note of us,
He pondered and was reconciled.
Was ever master yet so mild
And he, so untamable?
We doubted, even when he smiled,
Not knowing what he knew so well.

He knew that undeceiving fate
Would shame us whom he served unsought;
He knew that he must wince and wait--
The jest of those for whom he fought;
He knew devoutly what he thought
Of us and of our ridicule;
He knew that we must all be taught
Like little children in a school.

We gave glamour to the task
That he encountered and saw through,
But little of us did he ask,
And little did we ever do.
And what appears if we review
The season when we railed and chaffed?
It is the face of one who knew
That we were learning while we laughed.

The face that in our vision feels
Again the venom that we flung,
Transfigured to the world reveals
The vigilance to which we clung.
Shrewd, hallowed, harassed, and among
The mysteries that are untold,
The face we see was never young,
Nor could it have ever been old.

For he, to whom we have applied
Our shopman's test of age and worth,
Was elemental when he died,
As he was ancient at his birth:
The saddest among kings of earth,
Bowed with a galling crown, this man
Met rancor with a cryptic mirth,
Laconic--and Olympian.

The love, the grandeur, and the fame
Are bounded by the world alone;
The calm, the smoldering, and the flame
Of awful patience were his own:
With him they are forever flown
Past all our fond self-shadowing's,
Wherewith we cumber the Unknown
As with inept Icarian wings.

For we were not as other men:
'Twas ours to soar and his to see.
But we are coming down again,
And we shall come down pleasantly;
Nor shall we longer disagree
On what it is to be sublime,
But flourish in our perigee
And have one Titan at a time.

--Edward Arlington Robinson

if love is a labor, i’ll slave till’ the end

i recently discovered windows live writer, and its cool. so instead of diligently doing math this afternoon, i played around on this. 

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my dad told us today that he thought the couch was comfortable but ugly, sooo its going bye bye. he got a couch and chair from bill to replace them and i just want to make sure that everyone knows that i am against this whole idea, i like the couch we have now even if people say its ugly.

this cat of mine doesn't seem to understand that the keyboard is not meant to walk on and that my mouse is a fake mouse made out of plastic, not a real flesh and blood mouse. garfield is very curious, i see where they got the saying that curiosity killed the cat.

i went for a walk/hike on tuesday with my mom and some of my siblings. there is a large spread of ATV and skidoo trails around here, and part of it is right near our house, so we hiked out in the woods for about 2 hours. we came to a dead end in a cornfield and had to cross a cow pasture that had one large and furry bull in it and as we crossed it stood there and stared at us, rather unnerving. he didn't do anything which is cool, other bulls in my experience would have been like, oh look some people to trample, and would have come after us. and on the way back we had to cross the raisin river and abby and i didn't want to walk all the way around to the bridge so we waded across. it was cold.

the other day i watched transformers 2 with chelsea. i mean i sorta watched it with her, she had to leave soon after turning it on. most of it was cool, especially the twins and the ending. and the music was cool lol i have like the entire sound track already so i recognized all the music.

not much else is going on, at least nothing that i care to write here. if you want anything more interesting you'd have to read my journal and that's not happening.

my math is so fun, and i'm not being sarcastic

yea so just click on that and you'll get a bigger picture

A title eludes me

Fall is definitely my favorite time of the year, with all the leaves falling and it being so colourful outside. It kinda cool to walk through the woods and see all the different shades of yellow, red and green and then have this bright, fiery orange pop out at you. And it really is a let down to step on a crunchy looking leaf and have it turn out to not be crunchy at all, like biting into a nice
looking apple and its rotten on the inside lol

My tadpoles have not grown one bit in all the many weeks they have been in my possession. They have done nothing but swim around and help the catfish eat all the minnows. Seriously, how long does it take for them to sprout legs and start looking more like frogs and less like a blob with a tail? Its too bad my garter snake got loose, it would have had some nice plump baby frogs to chow on.

Josiah made lunch today, goose from Mike and some pig thingy from the Cotè's. He also had some cabbage fermenting to make some sauerkraut for like a week. It tasted good for the first few bites and then the high salt content became too much to handle. I don't think I have had so much to drink in one sitting and I am still thirsty. But the pig was good.


I made a bunch of pies for everyone to devour since tomorrow is Thanksgiving. While I was making the lemon meringue ones, I was joking to my mom that I was going to tell PJ that I had worked and sweated over the pie, just for him. She went and told my dad that and said that she was loosing me and that my heart was belonging to someone else now and my dad says, well good that's the way it should be, and he said he wasn't loosing anything but he was gaining. I think my parents, for all their quirkyness, are cool. I hope we have good weather tomorrow, I just don't relish the idea of sitting out in the cold and wet at a lake, especially since several of us are getting over colds. But I know I will have fun regardless of what the weather decides to do.

i need new speakers

One thing about having a blog is my mom reads it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but this time she had my dad read it as well and now I am not allowed to sleep over at Chelsea's house, which I don't mind so much. What I do mind is that even though the things Michelle was laughing at happened a year or two ago, my dad says he doesn't trust me as much anymore. I don't really get that, my mom told me that she has seen a change in me ever since I came back from Pennsylvania and they both know I haven't done anything recently over at the Lalondes but dad says he still doesn't trust me.

My awesome littlest brother Sam, and this is probably the best picture I have gotten of him, and then Tim all happy about brushing his teeth, now I just need John....but I don't have a normal one...just ones were he looks silly.

My laptop was taken away for a few days because I downloaded something onto my mom's computer without asking. I really am not smart sometimes, its like a no duh to ask to do something like that, especially when dad keeps telling me to ask and I keep letting it slip my mind. But yea he took it for two days and I discovered that I would prefer him to not take it again.

I started the study of Philippians today that I am doing for "school" and I think I have read the first chapter 5 times now making sure I have all the I's, my's and me's highlighted. I am not sure why I have to highlight them but that's what I have been instructed to do. Maybe its a way to get me to read it over and over and get it to really stick. Besides all the highlighting, its been an interesting and beneficial study and its only been one day.

I washed the floor in my room but it still has a rather strong odor from all the waterings Tomo gave it..sigh...now what? I'll just spray lysol or fabreeze all over it to mask the ammonia smell but that stuff causes headaches and I have several fish tanks that don't need lysoled. Maybe I will blow up the floor and replace it with wood that I don't have.

It is impossible to live a normal life in my room, let alone sleep, when the airater for the fish tank is making that annoying vibrating noise, it seems the noise gets louder the longer you leave it vibrating and I am seriously going to kill it if it doesn't stop.

One of Cupcake's kittens, the one that I like and named Spud, got dunked in gasoline today and is stumbling around like she is drunk or something, I am hoping she didn't ingest any of it. And I came into my room and found a couple of kittens happily chewing up the dog food bag and eating any food that spilled out.

My mom told us last night that we could sleep in the next morning but since I have been getting up in between 6:30 and 7 for so long, sleeping in was impossible.

I have been working on my fish tanks all this week, its like one of those passing fads where today its very interesting and tomorrow I don't care at all. I started the terrarium first, and after three tries to stop the water half from leaking into the dirt half I decided to think it out better and go slower and now it doesn't leak. Then I did the pond tank and got about 30 little fish from the ponds to put in it. The really little fish are slowly dieing and being eaten by the bigger ones, which is ok if they would give the little guy a chance to die first before they start eating it. After all that was done, I looked over at the goldfish tank and decided to redo it as well since it was getting overtaken by algae. So that's what I have been doing all week and I have been enjoying it a lot.

The other day we all were discussing school and when we were starting and what we would be doing and I said to my mom that I thought I had learned enough and could I stop school. I expected her to say no, that I needed to keep going and get those few last credits that I need to "officially" graduate, but instead she agreed with me. You would expect that one would feel some sort of elation to be done with high school and one could go do whatever, but instead I feel the opposite. I am happy to be done yes, but I cant really describe the feeling except that I think I am growing up too fast or something lol. I do not have the money nor the desire to go to college so I am going to stay home and serve my family until Lord willing I get married myself.

Not much else has been happening and I haven't been thinking to deeply on anything so I guess there's nothing more to write. Except it was my sister's birthday yesterday and shes 7 now. 7 years ago that I had an argument with Elijah about who would wake up first and get to hold the new baby, 7 years went by pretty fast.

Heaven above is softer blue,
Earth around is sweeter green,
Something lives in every hue
Christless eyes have never seen.
Birds with gladder songs o'er flow,
Flowers with deeper beauty shine,
Since I know as now I know
I am His and He is mine.

I got into some poison parsnip up at the ponds and it caused a rather painful reaction, my ankle swelled up almost right away and had been swelled for a week and had turned an interesting shade of purple, red and yellow, so my mom took me to the clinic and the doctor gave me stuff to put on it so its looking more pleasant now. Being the weird person I am, I took a picture of my ankle when it was all blistered to show any interested people. I think perhaps my level of pain tolerance will be higher when this is all done. I also chipped my tooth eating chips if that makes any sense.

With all the sitting around I had to do with my ankle hurting, I discovered that there are a lot of books in my room that I haven't finished reading and that I haven't stared reading at all, so after making that discovery I started looking around for a good book to read and I saw the phantom tollbooth sitting there looking all readable, so for the third time this year I am reading it. readable means fit to be read; interesting, agreeable, and attractive in style; enjoyable, and that book is all that. I am guessing there are copy written laws as are in most books, but since nobody who would care reads this than I am not going to care myself, this is near the end of the book when Milo, tock and the bug have found the princesses,

"Why not sit for a moment and rest?" suggested Rhyme. "I'm sure you must be tired. Have you been traveling long?"
"Days," sighed the exhausted dog, curling up an a large downy cushion.
"Weeks," corrected the bug, flopping into a deep comfortable armchair, for it did seem that way to him.
"It has been a long trip," said Milo, climbing onto the couch where the princesses sat; "but we would have been here much sooner if I hadn't made so many mistakes. I'm afraid it's all my fault."
"You must never feel badly about making mistakes," explained Reason quietly, "as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons."
"But there's so much to learn," he said, with a thoughtful frown.
"Yes, that's true," admitted Rhyme; "but it's not just learning things that's important. It's learning what to do with what you learn and learning why you learn things at all that matters."
"That's just what I mean," explained Milo as Tock and the exhausted bug drifted quietly off to sleep. "Many of the things I'm supposed to know seem so useless that I can't see the purpose in learning them at all."
"You may not see it now," said the Princess of Pure Reason, looking knowingly at Milo's puzzled face, "but whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world; when a speck of dust falls to the ground, the entire planet weighs a little more; and when you stamp your foot, the earth moves slightly off its course. Whenever you laugh, gladness spreads like the ripples in a pond; and whenever you're sad, no one anywhere can be really happy. And it's much the same thing with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer."
"And remember also," added the Princess of Sweet Rhyme, "that many places you would like to see are just off the map and many things you want to know are just out of sight or a little beyond your reach. But someday you'll reach them all, for what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover all the wonderful secrets of tomorrow."

I am beginning to wonder if it was a good idea to go to my grandparents. Heather never came and I got pretty lonely and I did some things I shouldn't have done, like breaking into an old abandoned house with a friend and borrowing some movies that weren't good. I did ask Joy what the movies were about but she wouldn't tell me and I didn't finish watching them but apparently grandma called my parents to tell them I was watching bad movies when really I wasn't. There were some good things that happened though, certain persons know what I am speaking of, so maybe it was a good idea.

I went up to Sarah's house and several adults there started reminding me of all the things I have done behind my parents back. They thought it was like a big joke with all the things that they thought I got away with and were laughing and expecting me to think it funny as well and laugh along. Then one person started swearing about something and his wife said to shut up because I wasn't allowed to hear those words, but then someone else said that it was ok since I said them myself. All this time I am just standing there not saying anything and sorta not thinking anything either. Then I get home and its like poor me and my poor testimony and boo hoo and I'm having this big pity party. Then I start thinking who cares about my testimony what about God's, I've just dragged His name through the mud as my dad says. I'm not sure how to express how I felt just then, but pretty ashamed. I just pray that the Lord will make me even more ashamed that I put out a better effort to change instead of having this attitude that its too late and there's nothing I can do.

The Cross falls like a two-edged blade
Of heavenly temper, keen;
And double were the wounds it made,
Where'er it glanced between.
'Twas death to sin,--'twas life
To all who mourn'd for sin;
It kindled and it silenced strife,
Made war and peace within.

elijah found cupcake's kittens finally and now they live in my room. its ok during the day but at night when tomo is in here as well then it gets a bit nutty. john's rabbit died yesterday so i skinned it to make him mittens or something out of the fur and then he wanted me to take the rabbit apart so that he can see the unborn babies, so we had a little biology lesson and even with how i like dissecting and all, that was a little gross. its nice how my younger brothers can get over a dead pet so easily and john has another rabbit all picked out that he wants already. my brain is so blank right now for what to write and the internet keeps stopping. what did i write about before? like i used to be able to write big long things and now its like staring at the screen and thinking of food. whoa the internet is working now and its been working longer than a minute. my mom is making cookies and i am going to bring milk tonight because juice and cookies don't mix unless your a baby who doesn't care. ok i quit, i cant think of anything to write, so i'll just put a pic on of the cat's kittens.

yahboooga

this is what we had dinner yesterday and i think it was thoroughly enjoyed.

the past two weeks my family and i have been gone to maranatha and a family reunion in pennsylvania, and i am including joseph as part of my family. the preaching at camp was good and it seems every year i get convicted of being too much of the world instead of just in it and passing through. the reunion was fun, we got to meet a new uncle and two new cousins but sadly aunt johanna and my brother couldn't make it.

david morris is going to be preaching every night this coming week and i am anxious to see what God will do through him. maybe it wont be anything that everyone will see and know about but if one person is saved or has a personal revival than its good. but then again we have been praying for revival for so long it would be nice to see it happen at least once in my lifetime. i don't want to sound to whatever but if we all ask great things of God then we should expect great things to happen, i just hope we are ready and that we wont quench it if it does come.

which is more important, to spend most of your time witnessing to your own family or to your friends and people you don't know or are they both equally important? sadly i don't do much of either, for my friends i'm to afraid of what they will think if i start talking "religion" and besides i like that they think i'm normal and for my family i think its my parents job or basically its anybody's job but mine. i can pray for them all and hope that someday they will come to know Christ but i leave the actual working with them and talking to them to someone else. its so hard to change a habit but with His help i know i can. i want to be able to not care what they say about me so long as i've said that thing that's popped into my head instead of pretending i didn't hear it.

create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit in me, cast me not away from Thy presence oh Lord and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me, restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation and renew a right spirit in me.

theres an attempt at a post, i sorta felt like writing something but wasn't sure what so i just started writing.

my mom just handed me 30 bucks

Theres a line thats been drawn through the ages;
On that line stands the old rugged cross.
On that cross a battle is raging
For the gain of man's soul or his loss.

On one side march the forces of evil,
All the demons and devils of hell.
On the other, the angels of glory,
And they meet on Golgotha's hill.

The earth shakes with the force of the conflict;
The sun refuses to shine;
For there hangs God's Son in the balance.
And then through the darkness He cries:

It is finished, the battle is over;
It is finished, there'll be no more war.
It is finished, the end of the conflict;
It is finished, and Jesus is Lord.

Yet in my heart the battle was raging;
Not all pris'ners of war had come home.
They were battlefields of my own making;
Didn't know that the war had been won.

Then I heard that the King of the Ages
Had fought all the battle for me
And vict'ry was mine for the claiming,
And now, praise His name, I am free.

run away, wait what are we running from?

so i am updating this blog.. i should change the name because the way i am part came from two really odd songs that i would rather forget, so i get reminded every time i see the blog that thats what i used to listen to but then i also get reminded of what God can do in a messed up life. sounds confusing i think, maybe.

yea so i am at home now. things were going slow at my grandparents and i missed my family and my pj and my parents said they needed me home, so nice to be needed. so they came and got me like a week or so ago and now i am here where i belong. it was fun there in a way, i mean i needed the quiet time to think and a few persons know what i was really thinking about the last week so it was good. this sounds silly because its like a no duh thing, but i discovered that one can not keep back part of themselves for them, they have to give it all to the Lord, every single little bit. then i also got to renew friendships with old friends and made new ones, which was good and bad. the youthgroup there is awesome and very friendly, i felt as much at home there as was possible for me too feel at home in a place that wasnt home. lol have fun figuring that sentence out.

i was reading job today and its a very interesting book. yea random thought there..

i have hit a wall and cant think of anything more to write sadly. this seems to happen a lot hence hardly any new blog posts. tomo is tired and keeps looking at me like time for bed already. i am tired, and i think i played harder than i worked today. though i did weed potatoes today and did laundry and changed sam's diaper and thats all of what would be called work. but it wasnt work it was fun even the diapers. i enjoy doing those kind of things most of the time. i mean sure there are days i want to stay in bed and forget everybody else exsists but yea, it sounds like i'm starting to ramble. i love rambling but i tend to start to not make sence. its time for bed.

they made my favorite cookies at home so i hope they eat a ton for me

ok well i am trying to write again, its kinda hard. i am at my grandparents being bored, well not bored just tired and missing everybody at home. today we celebrated dan and deb stubers 25th anniversary and also my grandma's, debs and two other woman's birthdays. the thing was, i hardly knew anybody so i mostly sat and people watched. i also climbed this awesome tree and carved the date in its trunk and then sat out over a flooded creek turned river and dropped pieces of bark in the water. its fun.

i love that emoticon that's the big grin, so today while grocery shopping i saw this stand, like what bubble gum is in, and it had a bunch of key chain thingys with smileys on them so i took my chances and actually got the big grin smiley, so now im happy. seems like a small thing to get so happy about but hey thats me lol. my grandparents are awesome, they ask me what food i want and they get it, like a bunch of root beer and all the sugar cereal.

i think it will rain soon, with all this wind and dark sky. i hope we get a big thunderstorm but i doubt that will happen, sadly. i haven't seen a good thunderstorm since i was sick one sunday night and i sat out with john on the old porch and watched the lightning.

i got a dog last december, she looks like a chihuahua and shes part chihuahua to so i guess that's why. so her name is tomo and she also looks like a miniature pinscher, so look that up on google and you know what she looks like since blogger is annoying and wont let me put a picture up. shes a cool dog and the ticks love her.

nothing like instant messaging, well there is but you know what i mean. one tuesday i spent till threeish i think on charlie playing games and chatting. i sound so lazy. but ive been working sorta, we have almost got all the pictures sorted, and my grandma had a lot. like boxes full. we would be like yay we're all done, and then we would fine another box or two. i got 72 more postcards for my collection and some of them are nice and old. old pictures are so cool, and the clothes they wear are all black and ick looking, but still cool. i also help cook, which i like the best now that i know where everything is. and today i helped plant tomatoes and peppers. so i am having fun.

i like voice chat to, its awesome.

well guess this blog isnt dead completely, but its getting there, maybe i can resurrect it but i doubt it. since i have facebook and i chat with him all the time, i kinda don't blog as much. but hey when i get the sudden urge to write then this is a good outlet. is that the word? anyways you all can figure out what i mean. i guess this is it for a while, i want to go get some supper.